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"GARY" AKA Sam, is a human toilet whom caught all the shit and piss of stereotypical otakus and held it in himself for many years. He considers this to be a honorary title, instead of an irritating personality; with a pension for blasting others for disagreeing his superior college student knowledge.
( YEAH CITIZEN KANE OR BUST BITCHES)
He is the illegitimate child of Richard Roeper and a Cardcaptor Sakura boxset, which would explain all of his inherent bad taste and terrible critiquing skills:
"Heavy on style and very dark, the devilishly cool Hellsing is one of the hippest animes I've seen in the past half-decade. Oozing coolness, it's excellent musical score and characters hook you in, and the story keeps you interested enough to watch all the way through.....
Overall, the memorable cast, great music and cool story bit me (hahahaha, vampire humor) and left me with the serious desire for human blood (or a better ending, either or). If you're a fan of Dracula, you'll love the series. If you're a fan of stylish anime, you'll love the series. If you like action, but also like compelling characters, you''ll love the series. Flawed animation and story aside, it's defintely a must-see."
He also maintains a heavy diet of terrible fast food and bullshit on a regular basis.
Here's looking at you, kid.